"Why do I always meet scumbags?"
"I’m obviously very good, why do I always attract unworthy people?"
"How can I avoid meeting scumbag men again and attract a man who is really good to me?"
I believe that many girls have experienced similar troubles in love – they are obviously independent and confident women, but they always attract men who are emotionally unfocused and irresponsible.
In fact, you are not born with a constitution that attracts scumbags. With some adjustments in skills and thinking, you can completely train yourself to no longer "attract scumbags" and instead keep those unworthy people away from you.
1. Why do you "suck up"? Reason analysis
Your emotional needs are too high, and it is easy for scumbags to cater to you
Many girls always hope that men will show high attention and enthusiasm when they are in love.
Such a sense of need may cause you to subconsciously send the signal "I need your attention" to the scumbag. The scumbag will often give you too much attention in the beginning, creating the impression that "he is especially good to you." illusion".
Psychological explanation:
The reason why scumbags can "get in quickly" is precisely because the emotional needs you show provide them with room to express themselves. For them, this "easy access" does not create pressure, but instead enhances their self-confidence and desire for control.
You have no clear bottom line in love
In a relationship, if there are no clear principles and bottom lines, a scumbag will constantly test your tolerance by "blurring" the boundaries. Girls of lower rank often over-accommodate in relationships, causing themselves to fall into a passive situation.
Typical performance:
· Always compromise and accept men’s "unreliable" behavior.
· Feeling that compromise is necessary for love, even forgetting your own needs and values.
You give yourself emotional overdependence
Many girls are used to relying on men’s attention and dedication in relationships, and placing their emotions on each other. This over-dependence makes scumbag men feel your weakness and "controllability". They will feel that they can easily control you, and then lose Respect and enthusiasm.
2. How to change the "scum-absorbing constitution"? If you do these things, the scumbag will naturally leave
Enhance your sense of self-worth and not depend on anyone
To change the "scum-absorbing constitution", you must first learn to be independent and not pin your emotions on any one person. You need to find your own unique value and improve your self-awareness and self-confidence, so that the scumbag loses the opportunity to exert "control" over you.
How to do it:
· Career development: Invest time and energy to improve your professional competitiveness and prevent yourself from falling into a single emotional world.
· Hobbies: Cultivate diversified interests and hobbies to make yourself a more interesting person and attract high-quality men who are willing to communicate with you on an equal footing.
"Only when you become stronger will you attract the love you deserve."
Clear your emotional bottom line and reject any behavior that disrespects you
Establishing a clear bottom line so that scumbags have no opportunity to take advantage of you is another key to improving your self-attractiveness. You need to let the other person know that no matter who they are, if they disrespect you, you will leave without hesitation.
Specific methods:
· Make your attitude clear: If he does something that makes you uncomfortable, express it decisively. "What you did makes me very uncomfortable. Since you disrespect me, there is no need for us to continue."
· Reject ambiguity: Once you feel a man’s ambiguous or uncertain attitude, you should break the ambiguous relationship in time to avoid being dragged into an unclear relationship.
“An unclear relationship is not worth investing any time in.”
Create a sense of mystery and make the scumbag feel "unavailable"
The reason why scumbags dare to keep trying is often because they think you are easy to get. But if you can make him feel that you are unconquerable through an appropriate sense of mystery, it will stimulate his desire to pursue you.
How to do it:
· Reduce active contact: Don’t always take the initiative to send messages, and maintain a moderate sense of cold distance, so that he will feel that he cannot have complete control over you from time to time.
· Maintain high-value attraction: Let him feel that you are busy and valuable, such as sharing your work, interests and social activities in your circle of friends to show the richness of your life.
"Mystery is the secret to making scumbags feel challenged."
Reject all emotional blackmail and maintain independent decision-making rights
Some scumbags are good at controlling you through "emotional blackmail", such as "I have done so much for you, why can’t you understand me?" to suppress you. Smart girls will avoid this kind of emotional blackmail and always maintain the right to make their own decisions.
How to do it:
· Stick to your principles: When he tries to use emotional blackmail to force you to make a decision, say no firmly, "I understand how you feel, but this is not the way I can accept it."
· Maintain equality in communication: Let the other party understand that your relationship is equal, and emotions are not unilateral, but mutual understanding and respect.
3. Be yourself and attract true love
Improving yourself, clearly setting emotional bottom lines, and learning to take emotional initiative are all important steps for you to move from a "scum-absorbing physique" to a healthy relationship.
When you become more confident, independent, and attractive, jerks will naturally be unable to approach you. Only those who truly respect and cherish you will surround you.
“Only by learning to respect yourself can you attract truly worthy love.”