Many women in unhappy marriages often fall into a state of mental internal conflict:
They are dissatisfied with their marriage but never take any action to change it. As time goes by, not only will the problem not be solved, but you may also fall into a deeper emotional dilemma.
Today, we will use practical cases to help you see clearly the spiritual internal friction in marriage, and teach you how to break this vicious cycle and regain marital happiness.
What is spiritual internal friction in marriage?
Mental internal friction refers to the persistent state of inner conflict and anxiety, which makes people unable to take action to solve problems and unable to get rid of the status quo. for example:
Calm on the surface, but turbulent on the inside: You are dissatisfied with your husband, but you don’t want to communicate and are afraid of quarreling, so you can only endure it silently.
Obsessed with procrastination and low motivation: We know clearly that our marriage needs to be improved, but we put it off again and again because we find it too difficult or unable to start.
Self-denial and trapped in a cycle: every time I want to take action, I shrink back, and in the end only inner accusations and regrets are left.
Internal friction is like an invisible wall, which not only blocks your ability to move, but also makes marital problems more difficult to break through.
Xiaobai’s story: a marriage trapped by internal friction
Xiaobai has been married for more than ten years, but her husband is lazy, doesn’t do housework, and is completely indifferent to her complaints.
Once, Xiaobai put the garbage bag at the door, thinking that her husband would take it out when he went out, but his husband stepped over the garbage bag and walked out. Xiaobai felt extremely angry about this, but could only be angry silently. She said:
"I knew there were problems in my marriage, but my husband was not easy to communicate with. I was afraid that if I raised my opinion, he would think I was being unreasonable. So I didn’t say anything, but I felt more and more tired, and even wanted to divorce."
Xiaobai’s marriage problem is not unsolvable, but she is tied up by internal friction.
How to break the spiritual internal friction in marriage?
Accept the current situation and stop criticizing yourself
Many women fall into internal strife in their marriages because they keep blaming themselves: Why are things not going well? Why can’t marriages be happy?
The first step to stop internal friction is to accept the current situation and stop criticizing yourself. Tell yourself:
“The existence of a problem doesn’t mean I’m a failure, but it reminds me that I can make a difference.”
Take small steps and start with simple actions
When facing marriage problems, don’t try to solve them overnight, but start with small and specific actions.
Try to communicate a small thing with your husband: don’t try to solve all the problems at once. You can start by expressing a simple need, such as: "Honey, can we clear the table tonight?"
Make a relaxing plan: Take one night a week to walk or talk with your husband so that your emotional connection can gradually rekindle.
Communicate in a gentle but firm manner
Effective communication requires expressing one’s needs while avoiding emotions. For example:
Wrong expression: "You never help, I’m almost exhausted!"
Correct expression: "Dear, I’m a little tired recently, can you help share some housework? This will make me feel more relaxed."
A gentle tone can reduce conflict, and clear needs let the other person know what you really expect.
Learn to show weakness and stimulate his desire to protect
Sometimes, being too strong can make a man back down. A moderate show of weakness can make him aware of your fatigue and inspire his sense of responsibility.
For example, you can say: "There have been a lot of things recently, and I feel a little overwhelmed. Can you help me share the burden?" This kind of expression can make the other party see your vulnerability and be willing to provide support.
Key Strategies to Reinvent Marital Happiness
Create new interaction mode
To improve the relationship between husband and wife, it is necessary to break the old relationship pattern. You can create new interactions in the following ways:
Plan a short trip together to bond in a relaxing environment.
Arrange a weekly family meeting to discuss small goals and division of labor in life.
Use psychological effects in moderation
Pygmalion effect: Praise him for his good performance, such as: "I feel very happy that you helped clear the table today."
Threshold effect: Start asking him for help with small things, such as handing you something, and then gradually increase the difficulty of the task.
Continuously improve yourself and increase your attractiveness
One of the secrets of a happy marriage is to constantly improve your charm. Whether it’s learning a new skill or developing a new interest or hobby, it can give you a new look and make the other person attracted to you again.
Remember, the core of marriage is not to control the other person, but to use your own growth to drive each other to change.
Don’t be patient, but learn to respond wisely
Patience will only deepen internal friction, but smart coping can truly solve the problem. You need to clarify your needs, take active actions, and adjust your mentality at the same time.
If you are feeling confused because of marital problems, quickly add the emotional analyst’s WeChat account below and let us help you diagnose your marital problems, tailor-made solutions, and lead you out of internal friction and embrace happiness: