"At the beginning, he cared for me in every possible way, but now he doesn’t even bother to say a few words."
“Dating is becoming more casual and no longer surprises for me.”
"Obviously I worked hard, but in return I was treated coldly and perfunctorily."
If these feelings resonate with you, then you may have unintentionally made a mistake that most girls make: giving men too much "certainty."
There is a classic theory in psychology called the "certainty paradox" – the easier it is to get something, the easier it is for people to ignore its value.
The same goes for relationships. When a man has a 100% sense of certainty about you and knows that you will never leave him and will be waiting for him where you are at all times, he will naturally gradually lose the motivation to cherish you.
"It’s human nature: once he’s sure you won’t leave, he won’t bother keeping you."
My student Xiaobai once experienced a sad relationship. In the beginning, her boyfriend treated her in every possible way – carefully preparing dates, sending flowers and gifts, and carefully expressing his love everywhere. But as time went by, everything gradually changed.
Birthdays turned into casual dinner parties, and sharing interesting stories only received perfunctory responses. Even after Xiaobai bought movie tickets, her boyfriend temporarily excused himself and said he wanted to play ball with his brothers. Gradually, Xiaobai realized that he was no longer on his priority list.
"When I loved him with all my strength, he became the stranger I was most familiar with."
Xiaobai’s confusion is also the confusion of many girls: Why will the original love be worn away by time?
There is a fable that may answer this question:
There is a temple on the banks of the Nile River. The gods initially used selfless sacrifice to make the wishes of the surrounding villagers come true. However, when the villagers discovered that the gods responded to their requests, they gradually lost their awe, their offerings became more and more perfunctory, and they even began to become dissatisfied with the gods. In the end, the spirit chose to leave, leaving the villagers regretful.
This is the truth of the "Temple Parable": When people are too sure of you, they will not only lose their respect for you, but may even breed neglect and disrespect.
The same goes for feelings of certainty in relationships. "Love requires a sense of security, but excessive certainty can make love lose its balance."
How to rekindle feelings? 3 steps to take back your sense of certainty
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Step 1: Create a "sense of uncertainty"
To rekindle a man’s interest, make him feel that your "availability" is declining. It’s not about giving him the cold shoulder, but gradually showing subtle changes in your attitude to make him realize that you’re not easily available.
Speaking reference:
"Although I am a bit love-minded when I am in love, I am very cautious about getting married. If I like someone again, if he is not suitable to be a husband, I will still choose to separate."
"I love you, but if one day I don’t feel valued, this relationship may not survive."
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Step 2: Reshape the “sense of value”
When a man feels that you completely belong to him, his desire to pursue you will naturally decrease. At this point, you need to reawaken his interest in you by improving your self-worth.
Specific actions:
1. Invest more energy in yourself, take care of your image, develop your interests and hobbies, and let him see a brand new you.
2. Stop spending all your time with him, moderately reduce contact, and let him feel the "possibility of loss" again.
As you become more exciting, he will realize that keeping you is a blessing, not a matter of course.
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Step Three: Redefine the rules of interaction
If your relationship has become such that he dominates, you need to tactfully bring the interaction back into balance.
Emotional guidance: Let him feel your inner fluctuations through emotional expression, rather than blindly suppressing or complaining.
"I really want to continue to be with you, but if this relationship loses its warmth, it means nothing to me."
Scenario design: proactively plan new ways of interaction to break daily boredom. For example, arrange a surprise date, or try a new shared hobby.
"Relationships require moderate management, not endless accommodation."
Many girls always tend to give more in relationships, hoping to satisfy the other person through their own efforts. But the fact is that emotional balance depends not only on your dedication, but also on your control.
"The essence of love is not how much you love him, but how much you can make him cherish you."