“Every time I chat with the person I like, it’s always awkward and I feel less and less attractive.”
"I obviously work hard, but every relationship ends in failure. Why can’t I always attract the right person?"
"What can smart girls do to take the initiative in love and move toward happiness?"
Xiaoying is one of my recent clients. She has been confused about her role in the relationship. She is smart, independent and ambitious, and she is very comfortable at work, but every time she falls in love, she always ends up breaking up. She doesn’t understand what she did wrong. Is she not good enough?
Today, we will reveal to you how smart girls can improve their “rank” in love, take control of the relationship, and finally attract the right person.
1. Have you been trapped by the "low rank in love"?
Symptoms of low-level love: too much emotional dependence and neglect of self-growth
Xiaoying’s story is not uncommon. In relationships, many girls tend to rely too much on each other’s emotional support. They always hope to gain each other’s attention through constant showing of kindness and dedication, but they ignore self-independence and growth. This sense of dependence often makes them lose their attractiveness.
Psychological explanation:
"Dependent emotions will make people feel that you lack independence. This unconscious behavior will make the relationship unbalanced."
When one partner becomes overly dependent in a relationship, the other partner may lose interest and respect for her.
No clear emotional boundaries, feelings are ambiguous
Many girls fall into the dilemma of "spare tires" or "ambiguous relationships" because they do not set clear boundaries. They expect boys to take the initiative to express their love, but they always give each other "convenient" space, and eventually fall into an unclear emotional whirlpool.
"A vague relationship will only delay your happiness. Setting clear boundaries is the first step towards happiness."
Unequal emotional value and loss of attraction
In some relationships, girls may just give without getting the rewards they deserve. If this goes on for a long time, the value of feelings will be out of balance, gradually turning you from "main choice" to "backup choice".
"A healthy relationship is mutual. Excessive one-sided investment not only makes you lose attraction, but also makes the other party lose the motivation to give."
2. How to improve your love level and become a "high-level woman"?
Learn to grow yourself and become a better person
The kind of men you attract are often directly proportional to your self-worth. If you want to attract worthy people, you have to improve yourself from the inside out. This is not just a physical change, but also mental and emotional independence.
How to do it:
· Improve your sense of self-worth: Continuously enrich yourself and improve your self-confidence through career advancement, learning new skills or expanding your interests and hobbies.
· Cultivate independent emotions: Emotions are not everything in life. You must learn to maintain your emotional independence and respect your own needs and boundaries.
“The key to attracting good men is not to cater, but to be a better version of yourself.”
Set clear boundaries in relationships
"High-ranking women" know how to set clear boundaries in relationships. They will not cater to each other too much, nor will they linger in an ambiguous relationship. They know what they want and where their bottom line is.
How to do it:
· Learn to say "no": When a boy behaves in a way that makes you uncomfortable, express your dissatisfaction decisively. Don’t ignore your inner feelings to avoid an argument.
· Clear relationship positioning: Discuss clearly each other’s expectations and needs with the other party to ensure that the relationship is equal and healthy.
Master communication skills and enhance emotional connections
High-ranking girls know how to enhance each other’s emotional connection through good communication skills, rather than just conveying emotions through words. They know that communication is not just about expressing their needs, but also a way to understand each other.
How to do it:
· Emotional resonance: Make the other person feel your care and support by understanding and responding to their emotions. For example, when he mentioned the pressure of work, he could say:
"I can understand how you feel. It’s really hard to relax when you’re under a lot of pressure. How have you adjusted recently?"
· Listening and feedback: High-ranking women will listen to each other’s needs and provide emotional support through feedback. They will not interrupt when the other person has not fully finished expressing themselves, but will let the other person feel that you really care.
“The art of communication is not what you say, but how you make the other person feel that you care.”
3. How to make "high rank" your habit and attract high-quality men for a long time?
Maintain personal independence and enhance emotional attraction
The attraction comes from independence. High-ranking girls know that only by maintaining their independence can they take the initiative in a relationship, avoid emotional dependence, and keep the other person interested in them.
How to do it:
· Maintain your own social circle and interests, and don’t put all your time and energy into one man.
· Stay confident and don’t feel inferior because of the other person’s neglect. True attraction radiates from the inside out.
Get out of the shadow of the past and bravely start a new relationship
High-ranking women will not stop their pursuit of happiness because of past relationships. They know how to get out of the shadows of the past through self-healing and growth, and move on to a better future.
How to do it:
· Through learning and reflection, summarize the experiences and lessons of past relationships and make yourself more mature and rational.
· Maintain an optimistic attitude. When starting a new relationship, let go of the burden of the past and enjoy the freshness and challenges that each relationship brings.
"Only by letting go of the past can we welcome a better self and love."