Whether the three views in a relationship are consistent is indeed an important indicator of whether two people are suitable.
But when you find that your boyfriend often "tests" your opinions in various ways, and even makes you feel "judged", this behavior is not only uncomfortable, but may also cause resentment.
Ms. Zhao recently met a gentle man, Mr. Li, through a blind date. However, this blind date made Ms. Zhao feel extremely uncomfortable.
1. The first trial: about the balance between career and family
Mr. Li smiled and said, "I think if women focus too much on their careers, they may neglect their families. What do you think?"
Ms. Zhao responded calmly: "There is no conflict between career and family. The key is balance."
2. The second trial: about character and temperament
Mr. Li continued: "It is better for women to be gentle. Being too strong will put pressure on people."
Ms. Zhao responded with a smile: "Gentleness and strength can coexist. Real strength comes from inner determination, not external temperament."
3. The third trial: the problem of family division of labor
Mr. Li said: "I think women should take on more housework after marriage. After all, it is a traditional family model for men to take care of the outside and women to take care of the house."
Ms. Zhao used her own income as an example and asked him: "If divided by income, I am more suitable for being a foreigner, and you are more suitable for a domestic leader. What do you think?"
During the blind date, Mr. Li had endless questions, but Ms. Zhao kept her bottom line through intelligent and rational responses.
Why does your boyfriend frequently “test” your opinions?
1. Exploring whether the three views are consistent
In the early stages of a relationship, many boys use perspective testing to understand a girl’s values to determine whether they can reach an agreement in the future.
2. Test character traits
Some boys evaluate your personality by creating conflicts of opinions and observing whether you are emotionally stable and easily angry.
3. Confirm your status
Some boys use "perspective testing" to judge their position in the relationship, such as the girl’s economic level, educational background, etc., in order to adjust their performance.
4. Show superiority
Some boys use the "opinion test" to show off their knowledge and logical abilities, and at the same time hope to dominate the conversation.
How to deal with your boyfriend’s "Three Views Test"?
If you encounter a similar situation, you might as well try the following coping methods:
Use rhetorical questions to break up the situation
When the other party asks a "presupposed" question, you might as well ask him back.
For example:
The other party asked: "What do you think of a good wife and mother?"
You can ask: "What do you think of a ‘good man’? If a ‘good man’ should be gentle, considerate, and take the initiative to take on household chores, would you be willing to do so?"
This method can not only avoid head-on conflict, but also transfer the initiative of the topic to the other party.
Use teasing to relieve tension
If you feel offended by some questions, you can use humor to resolve them.
For example:
The other person asked: "Do you think women should take on more housework?"
You can smile and say: "If you take the initiative to do all the housework, I will consider cooking for you. It’s a win-win situation!"
This way not only expresses your attitude, but also eases the tension of the conversation.
Respond with the help of thinking formulas
When some problems cannot be solved directly with ridicule, you can use formulas to deal with them:
· Step One: Narrow the Problem
If the other party asks: "What do you think of such-and-such social phenomenon?"
You can say: "This question is too broad. What does it specifically refer to?"
· Step 2: Shift perspective
Ask the person again: “Why are you interested in this topic?”
Avoid falling into his testing logic by constantly narrowing the scope and shifting focus.
Indicate bottom line and needs
If the other person frequently tests you with their opinions and even makes you feel uncomfortable, you can express your feelings directly.
For example:
You can say: "I understand you want to get to know me, but this way makes me feel disrespected. I would rather we get to know each other through equal communication."
This kind of statement conveys your dissatisfaction without making the other party feel embarrassed.
Ms. Zhao’s blind date experience tells us that when faced with a boy’s “opinion test”, calmness and rationality are the most important. At the same time, girls also need to clarify their own bottom line and not doubt their own value because of the other person’s words.
If you are experiencing similar emotional distress, you might as well try to adjust your coping style and resolve conflicts with wisdom and calmness. Remember, a healthy relationship is based on equality and respect.